Something struck me like a bolt of lightning the other day...
It was brought to my attention by a friend that whenever I am seen on the roads in my car, that I am always cursing at something, at other drivers, flailing my arms at whatever.. being very animated as if the whole world was against me. I can not deny this as I fully admit that I have occasionally found myself 'raging' against everything when I am driving my car. I just never realized how bad it's become. This is somewhat of an eye-opener for me as the 'Eli' behind the wheel of a car is a completely different 'Eli' at all other times. It is truly out of my character... some of you (close friends) can attest to this (..I hope, hehe.. ).
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| bumper to bumper traffic - downtown Vancouver |
What has dawned on me was that everything that I do with my car, in my car, and anything associated with cars has been negative these past few years. I realized that whenever I get into my car it is usually to go to work, and there is not a day of work that doesn't start the day off in a negative way. I get called in to work because there is a problem, clients call me in because there is a problem, there is never a time when a client would call and say "Hey Eli, I just wanted to call and say everything is working fine! Have a great day!". So point one - work equals negative. Then even before getting to my work, I have to spend hours in my car fighting off traffic, stupid drivers, stupid roads, stupid cab drivers, stupid bus drivers, stupid pedestrians.. etc. Finding parking, paying $20/day on parking, getting tickets, getting fines, paying hugely inflated gas prices especially here in BC. ARGH! Point two - Driving to work equals negative.
Point three, Working on my cars = NEGATIVE! ...I used to enjoy this, I'm not sure what changed. But lately, I hate working on cars, hate it, hate it, hate it. I've had the wonderful fortune of having my rear brake caliper and brake master cylinder go bad on one of my cars in a span of one week.. And of course I will never take any of my cars into a shop and get work done if I am able to fix them myself.. UGH, I fixed it but all I could think of was how much I hated working on it. Add to that, racing my car.. whenever I'm racing it or even driving it to the racetrack, there is always that feeling of will it make it home? Will it hold together just long enough to get that one pass or that one lapping day without it exploding? And when it breaks, because it WILL break, I will have to fix it again! It's a ridiculously constant battle. I used to be able to just shrug all this off and chalk it up to 'racing', but I now wonder why I ever put myself through that for over 10years! A definite negative. The car has become a vehicle to all things negative.
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| Atop Burnaby Mountain during a beautiful sunset |
There was a time in my life when my cars gave me so much enjoyment and so much satisfaction. A great satisfaction of a job well done when it came to my racing,.. goals and achievements to have been met. A time when I would drive off on solo cruises somewhere far away just to get away from life and it's daily struggles. Great friends that I have met through car clubs and car activities to whom will remain with me forever. I realize that this is now being replaced by my bicycles. It's the same cycle of life all over again.
What I must do is separate all the negative that I have associated with 'the car', from the enjoyment and gratification that it has brought me in the past. Now that this is apparent to me, this may very well lead to the answers I've been looking for. I know that it could never lead back to the extent of my passion but possibly, quite possibly, it may restore my love for this thing we call 'Car'.
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| At the Cypress lookout point overlooking Vancouver |
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